Think about this for a moment. What if no one judged at all? No thoughts of “this feels safe” or “this feels scary.” No sense of who is kind or who is hurtful. At first, it might sound peaceful. But if we stopped judging entirely, could we even have relationships?
Choices are essential in relationships. We decide who to trust, who makes us feel calm, and when to say yes or no. These choices are all based on judgment.
The real question is not “what if we never judged?” The real question is “how can we judge with kindness, not harm?”
I work with deep thinkers and feelers at Therapy With Rose, helping them move past harsh self-criticism and criticism of others to improve relationships.
Why We Judge
Judgment is part of being human. Long ago, people had to judge quickly to survive. “Is this food safe?” “Is this person a friend or a threat?” These quick choices kept people alive.
Today, judgment still helps us. We notice who listens, makes us feel safe, and does not. Without these judgments, we would not know who to trust.
But judgment can also turn sharp. Sometimes we use it to label or criticize. Sometimes we use it against ourselves. That is when judgment hurts instead of helps.
Helpful vs. Hurtful Judgment
Not all judgment is the same.
Helpful judgment sounds like:
- I feel calm around her.
- He yells, and that makes me uneasy.
- I can trust this friend with my feelings.
Hurtful judgment sounds like:
- She’s a failure.
- I’m not good enough.
- People like him are always selfish.
Helpful judgment guides us toward safe people. Hurtful judgment shuts people out, or makes us shut ourselves down.
When I sit with clients at Therapy With Rose, we practice noticing the difference. This slight shift helps relationships feel lighter and more real.
Can We Have Relationships If We Stopped Judging?
Think about your best friend or partner. Imagine if you never judged them at all. You would not notice their kindness. You would not see what hurts. You would not know how close you want to be.
This shows us that judgment is not something to erase. It is something to shape. In therapy, I teach people how to use judgment like a compass. It can point you toward safe and kind people and away from those who are harmful.
Judgment toward Ourselves
Often, the harshest judgment is the one we give ourselves. You may think:
- I always mess up.
- I am too emotional.
- No one will love me.
When we believe these thoughts, it shapes how we connect with others. We may accept poor treatment. We may hide our true feelings.
Many clients at Therapy With Rose overthink and overfeel, carrying self-judgment. I help them build a true self, leading to safer, stronger relationships.
How I Help in Therapy
Many people come to me saying their minds feel “always on.” They judge every word, every action, and every emotion. This makes relationships feel heavy.
In therapy, I slow things down with you. We ask:
- Where did this judgment begin?
- Is it guiding me or hurting me?
- What would it feel like to respond with curiosity, not blame?
I use both reflection and mindfulness. Over time, judgment stops feeling like an enemy. Instead, it becomes a gentle guide.
Why Kind Judgment Builds Strong Bonds
If we had no judgment, relationships would not exist. But if we judge kindly, relationships can become deep and safe.
Kind judgment looks like:
- Choosing friends who respect your feelings.
- Noticing when someone’s actions hurt and deciding how to protect yourself.
- We should offer grace when mistakes happen because no one is perfect.
- Speaking to yourself in a gentle voice.
My goal for every person I work with at Therapy With Rose is to change judgment from something destructive into something that protects and supports.
Lessons from Relationships
Every relationship, even the hard ones, teaches us something.
- A partner who forgets may show you how much being remembered matters.
- A friend who listens may show you the joy of being heard.
- A family member who criticizes may show you the need for boundaries.
Judgment lets us notice these lessons. But blame closes doors. Curiosity opens them.
Bringing It Back to You
So, could we have relationships without judgment? No. But we can learn to use judgment with care.
This is what I do at Therapy With Rose. I help you quiet the harsh inner voice, build trust in yourself, and create space for safe, balanced, and authentic relationships.
Final Thoughts
Judgment is part of life. Without it, we cannot choose who to trust or who makes us feel good. But with too much harsh judgment, we can lose connection with others and ourselves.
The key is balance. Use judgment to guide you, not to harm you.
If you’re struggling with self-criticism, overthinking, or relationship challenges, I’m here to help.
You’ll find a safe and supportive space at Therapy With Rose to explore your thoughts and feelings. Start your journey towards mental wellness with expert care, personalized therapy, and medication management. Book your appointment today.
FAQs
Q: Is judgment always bad?
No, it’s not. Stay safe and make good decisions by learning to judge wisely. Therapy can help you spot overjudging.
Q: Can therapy help me trust myself more?
Yes, it can. Talk therapy helps you to be bolder and make decisions with fewer fears.
Q: Are sessions online?
Yes, you have a choice. You may choose in-person or online sessions that are more comfortable to you.
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